I'm Stuck
Sometimes we can start to feel a little stuck; like being on the stationary bike at the gym, we’re moving and working but we aren’t going anywhere. No matter how hard we pedal we stay in the same place. That’s a pretty frustrating feeling especially when we are beyond ready to step into the next season God has for us.
I found myself there recently, even though I didn’t realize that’s where I was; just a lot of pedaling. There was no energy to keep pressing on, no energy to pray. I was tired. Tired of the in-between of where I was and where I wanted to be.Anyone else?
I knew this was an issue I needed to address before the enemy took me down a darker, more familiar path. Not today satan. After a few days, one morning I said to the Lord, “Ok, I don’t feel like praying, or worshipping, or anything else BUT I choose to pray and worship and keep going not because I “feel” like it but because you are worthy; period.”
This is the life of faith we are called to; doing what we know to do despite how we feel about it. In 1 Samuel 16:1, I read a statement that hit me like a ton of bricks. Interesting how you can be reading something you’ve read a hundred times, but this time God highlights it with neon lights because He is speaking a now word to you.
“Now the Lord said to Samuel, “You have mourned long enough for Saul.” Samuel had anointed Saul to be King in the past season. But Saul’s sin caused God to remove him and replace him with David. Like many of us, Samuel was still mourning over what was, because the new hadn’t come yet.
To mourn is to “feel or express sorrow, to feel deep regret or to grieve. To grieve is to feel sorrow, regret, distress mentally and to suffer.” I immediately knew I was grieving, over several things out of my control. Along with this I knew I was feeling a demonic assault trying to get me to quit but that’s another Blog! God then said to Samuel, “so fill your flask with oil and go to Bethlehem.” Oil represents the Holy Spirit. To move forward out of mourning we must keep ourselves full of fresh oil. I’m pretty sure I was running on empty.
We don’t always recognize we are mourning. We all mourn differently. I know myself pretty well, so when I have no words…somethings not right. It’s said women need to speak over 25,000 words a day and men about 10,000 words. I don’t know if this is true for everyone but I know for my husband and myself it certainly is. He’s a pretty quiet guy but I have words, lots of words.
When I get quiet, rest assured there is something wrong. I’m either mad, hurt or in this case grieving. I feel many of you are finding yourself in this place too. When God moves on, it’s our job to follow. We can get stuck in what was. God is asking us “how long will you grieve over this disappointment?” #ouch
Even though we feel we aren’t making any progress stuck on this stationary bike, we actually need the hard work of the in-between place. In the gym on that bike, we may not be moving to a different location, but know that we are building muscle, gaining stamina, and preparing to be stronger in the future.
As my friend Krystal Bolduc has stated, “God wants us to get where God wants us to go more than we want to get to where God wants us to go.” Take a deep breath and exhale the grief, the mourning, and the regrets.
Let it go. Keep going. Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.