Real Life
If we are paying attention the biggest lessons we need to learn are right under our noses….IF. Lessons packaged as opportunities surround us everyday and that is often the problem. They seem so “everyday” we don’t realize what they actually are and miss what they can teach us. Yep…I had quite a week
It was my birthday. It started out as a perfectly good day. I never saw what was coming until I was smack in the middle of the biggest pity party you’ve ever seen. I was at work minding my own business helping Amazon be amazing; you’re welcome. Ever notice how thoughts just come from who knows where? Suddenly your head is being engulfed in a swarm of awful, ungodly, negative nonsense?
I’m not even sure how it started but it just went from bad to worse in a Nano second. Ever need a do-over? Before we talk about this any further I want to say that if you read my Blogs you know I write what I live. I share my good and bad moments and what God teaches me through them to help anyone I can in any way I can. Today is no different and maybe even more honest and real than anything I’ve ever shared.
As I worked I began to think about how my amazing husband had blessed me and posted on his Facebook it was my birthday and for people to help him celebrate me by sharing what having me in their lives has meant to them…people shared some of the most beautiful, heartfelt and truly amazing things that touched me so deeply, I was honored to my core. So naturally the enemy is going to take advantage of this situation by presenting me with the negative side of such a beautiful moment.
My thoughts went from how blessed I felt to all of the people that DID’NT say anything. How dare they. My mind was filled with anger and I began to talk back to my thoughts…”Wow…they couldn’t even take three minutes to honor me and say anything nice?” Those people couldn’t even show an ounce of love toward me??? It wasn’t 20 minutes and I’m now feeling so sorry for myself I’m fighting back the tears. What the heck just happened??
Then I heard it…that familiar thought I used to have…the seed the enemy wanted me to accept so it would implant in my heart and grow into the very thing that would destroy me…”well if I were dead then maybe they would realize how terrible they treated me!” Suicide…why did I think that? I didn’t! That thought CAME to me it was not MY thought. Please don’t worry I am not suicidal at all but I share this to let you know how the enemy works. As this went on I felt the spiral. You know what I mean if you’ve ever struggled with depression. When your thoughts begin to take you further and further down a deep and dark black hole.
As clearly as I’ve ever heard the voice of God I heard…”speak back to the devil, resist these thoughts Torey!” I mean I know this principle, I’ve taught others this. But in my emotional state I distinctly remember in that moment CHOOSING not to do it. I just didn’t “feel” like doing what I know to do when the enemy attacks. I wanted to crucify people in my mind. So that is what I did.
By the time I left work I was crying, all the way home, crying. I didn’t even stop for food I just went home to sulk. I decided to go to my bed to read. I don’t fully know what happened but as I sat there crying revelation came as to how the enemy had attacked me and how I had given in and disobeyed God’s spirit. I began to repent and cry out to God for forgiveness. I screamed out loud…”I will never commit suicide! These are not my thoughts, these are lies and I refuse to believe them. I choose to believe the best of people.” Our words are one of the most powerful weapons we have against our enemy! Those thoughts then left as quickly as they came.
I spoke out loud to my enemy to the negative lies that were coming at me. As I prayed all of the sorrow and anxiety lifted and God’s spirit filed my room. This could have happened at work hours earlier if I would have obeyed then. I realized and grieved how many hours I had wasted falling for the lies I was being presented.
The mind is the battlefield. We must never forget that. The enemy always attacks us there bombarding our minds with thoughts to get us to move in a direction he desires us to go in. How many times have you or I moved in a direction a thought was taking us only to fall headlong into the trap that was being set?
The enemy knows us. He has watched us our entire lives and knows our triggers. He knows not only how to attack us but when. He looks for when we are weak. I was bone tired, the kind of tired that just makes you weary of life. Our life and calling has been under attack and this season for us has been very difficult. So not only has this season lasted far longer than I would like for it to have, I’m tired of it all together. I just want it to end….and it’s not ending. So the enemy found a hole to crawl through to get to me to temp me to get discouraged and to give up. Sound familiar? He’s not very creative he tries the same junk with all of us.
Another lesson. Another test to pass. I share this to encourage you that we all go through this. We all fail sometimes. But we learn and we keep going! Our enemy hates us. He is hell bent on our destruction. All of his strength, time and thoughts are toward our demise. He does not relent. We must be just as focused and determined to defeat him and his plan for us.
God has given us every tool and weapon we need BUT…we must USE those tools by DOING what God’s Word tells us. We must study the Word, know and understand the Word of God because within it’s pages we will find everything we need for victory! Onward my friends….