The Battle Within

I know the power of testimony. I wanted to share mine with you to help anyone who is also struggling. We all struggle, no one is exempt from a bad day. My prayer is that you are encouraged to fight your own battles as they come…

As I awoke this morning, I felt so tired…bone tired. The kind of tired that leaves your emotions swirling out of control. The enemy loves to attack the vulnerable. I awoke to a battle.

The enemy had come for me. In the swirl of tornadic feelings, thoughts churning through my mind, I could not decipher what was truly happening. There was no reason or cause for any of these feelings, but they had come all the same.

I felt confused, disoriented, aggravated, oppressed and angry. My mind could not think clearly as it flitted from thought to thought, emotions like dark clouds on the horizon before an impending storm. My feelings on high alert as an ominous assignment descended over my soul (my mind, will and emotions).

Splinters of thought came…the Holy Spirit trying to warn me…speak against this…do battle… but I didn’t “feel” like doing that. I turned to the Word, grasping for words of life to hold onto.

Then I heard the voice of the Spirit of God. R.e.j.e.c.t.i.o.n…and I knew the enemy I was facing. Rejection had been a close companion of mine all my life. It found its way into my heart in my mother’s womb.

We have all felt rejections sting; feeling pushed away, less than, not a part of, not included. Satan knows exactly where the wound in our soul lies because he put it there through the careless acts of others. He knows just how to get to it. He roams about…seeking the perfect opportunity to attack, to poke the most tender spot in our soul.

He seeks to inflict the wound of rejection as early in our lives as he can; for the roots of rejection go deep, its tentacles can wrap around every part of our heart until every relationship we have is seen through the lens of this spirit.

God has built us for community and relationship. The root of rejection comes to rend the very fabric of our soul so that there is no ground for the seed of connection to flourish.

I had learned so much about this and overcome so much. But our adversary will always return to a previous stronghold to see if he can gain ground again. Understand me…my “feelings” were real, I felt them strongly, they were tangible asking me to grab onto them and agree with them. My desire was strong to do just that.

But! Feelings are not facts. They tell us what they want us to do and believe but we are not obligated to agree with or follow their lead. Me…my spirit man knew better. I knew those thoughts and feelings “came TO me” not “FROM me.”

We cannot afford to relax our stance. The enemy walks about like a lion seeking his next prey. He looks for vulnerability and opportunity. He will plant a thought to see if we will accept it as our own. If a thought or a feeling is contrary to God’s word; opposite of truth, stop! Think about what you are thinking about. Ask yourself is that true? Or is it a temptation aimed to steal from me?

We fight to get free, and we must fight to stay free. We fight with our will and our voice. Jesus SPOKE to every temptation satan offered him in the wilderness, Luke 4:3-8. We can’t blow it off, ignore it or wish he would leave us alone. He won’t.

 I got out my journal and began to write. I wrote my decree then I read it out loud…

“I choose now to reject this desire, these feelings which are not from me. Assignment of the enemy flee! I stand against your onslaught of vicious lies and deceit. You are a liar and the father of lies. I will not accept old thinking patterns from my past. I will walk in the freedom Christ purchased for me.

I choose to do the opposite of everything that you are telling me I should do. So instead of accepting the feeling of rejection I say I am accepted. I reject your offer of rejection. By the power of the Blood of Jesus you are defeated. I will choose to love even though people have rejected me. I choose to forgive; I release every offender. Your lies have no power over me any longer.”

But the melancholy did not leave right away. You’ve been there too, wanting to give up so badly, tired of the battle. I knew I had to keep pressing against the barrage of feelings that carried me along, because what is the alternative? To acquiescence to a foe Jesus bled and died to defeat? I don’t think so. My stubbornness came in handy for a change…

Fighting is never the easy way. It takes all the strength you don’t feel you have. Giving up cannot be an option. I went back to my journal, crafting another decree.

Phillipians 3:14 (paraphrased) “I press on toward the goal…for the prize of the upward call in Christ Jesus.’ Press means to exert steady pressure against, to move something by applying pressure. To exert steady force against…

 I had to press, to exert my voice against this. My decree said, ‘I will continue to apply all necessary pressure against the enemy. I resist all tactics formed against me. Rejection and depression are my enemy, and they are defeated. I will never give up, give in or relax my stance. I am already the victor. I never quit.

I broke out of this battle…but I fought. You can fight, you can win!

Jesus paid such a price for our freedom. Our job as believers is to enforce that victory. To stand against our enemies and say NO, not today satan.

I’m praying for you today who are struggling, who don’t know how to fight, who want to give up. Don’t you ever give up. You fight and you keep on fighting. If you feel too weak today, get a friend to fight with you…but fight.

Father I hold up the arms of each person fighting a battle today. I ask that you show them how to fight, as they read your Word reveal your truths to them. Holy Spirit come along side of them and teach them to war. Give them wisdom, insight, and revelation on how to defeat the enemy of their souls. Help them to open their mouths and speak your Word, your Word that shatters the stronghold of the enemy over them in Jesus name! Amen…