I Can't Keep Going
When the blows just keep coming, the end of the pain is hard to fathom. When the rejections line up one after the other the dawn of a new day seems it will never appear on the horizon. When the souls ache seems too much to bear, the constant feelings of uncertainty and hopelessness bear down on the already heavy heart. It begs the question…God, where are you? When will you rescue me from this, are you aware of my plight? Do you care…..
We have all felt this way at one time or another. Situations that just won’t resolve, kids that won’t make good choices, bills that can’t be paid, a husband who isn’t coming home. There are not enough hours in a day to cry all the tears these aches deserve.
We pray, we plead, we fast. Am I not trusting God enough? Is my faith too small? What else do I need to DO?? All of these questions swirl around in our hearts demanding an answer, but no answer comes. The past few years for me have been a plethora of disappointments followed by relentless questions and prayers for resolve.
In this, it’s nice to know we are not alone. The comfort we experience when we know someone else has felt the same angst and understands. Understanding is the universal hug felt around a crippled soul. It seems just when I don’t think I can handle another blow, when I literally c.a.n. n.o.t. do this anymore, God in all of his loving compassion speaks comfort loud and clear into my pain. I open my Bible or computer and words are there that I know are a direct answer to me from God’s heart.
When we read the Psalms, we get the distinct impression David is that understanding soul we need to hear from. Many of his Psalms are laments to God, his heart crying out of his despair to a God he knows so well. A soul needing answers and relief.
When pain stabs us, it also cuts our emotions. Feelings are an integral part of who we are and need tender processing to heal. They cannot be ignored. Simply quoting a Scripture to them will not suffice. This is where lament comes in. David so beautifully shows us that it is ok to truly feel all the feelings associated with our pain.
In Psalms 13 David begins his lament….”O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? He tells God exactly how he feels, forgotten and forsaken. Then he tells God what he needs…”Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die!
But he doesn’t stop there because that is just whining which has zero purpose. He gets out all of the frustration, calms himself down, then comes back to what he KNOWS. God is good and He is still working everything out for his good. He then worships…”BUT I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.”
In Psalms 142:2 he shows us again…”I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.” We are in a relationship with God. He wants to hear it all, how we feel, what we need and want. In verse 5 he states, “Then I pray to you, oh Lord. I say, You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life. Hear my cry, for I am very low.”
David had learned to vent all of his feelings in prayer as he processed his emotions, ending in faith filled prayer to God. He was honest and real, not trying to cover up how he felt but pouring out real emotional pain through his words; knowing God understood and loved his heart.
When we feel unfulfilled by the disappointments, when our unspoken broken is too deep to even put words to, all the words need to flow out like a river to the only one who truly sees and knows our hearts.
After the torrent of words is over, the emotions are processed and filed away, we can then engage our faith in prayer. Faith is not defined in our high moments; the moments we feel strong. But it is also not defined by our difficulties, it is revealed by them. Now we can at last pray in faith, believing God for the grace to keep going.
God loves this exchange we participate in. We are his children and when we hurt, he hurts too. Only he knows the answers to our problems, the when and the how. Failing to process all the feelings our situations bring us, keeps them inside to fester into a sickness of bitterness and anger, poisoning our very own hearts. Our job is to keep our hearts from bitterness by crying out to him.
Father you alone understand my pain and frustration. I can’t fix my situation, only you can. But you aren’t. I know you have plans for me to give me a future and a hope but right now I can’t see them through my grief. Help me Holy Spirit to release my pain to you and to understand that even though I can’t see you working on my situation, that you are. When the right time comes, it will all work out even better than if I had gotten the answer when I wanted it. Your timiing is perfect, your ways are perfect. Give me grace to keep going…in Jesus name.