Stop Deleting People
Sometimes concepts are presented and we just seem to grab onto them as though they are true without finding out if they are in fact true. This is a dangerous reality today. As believers it is our duty and obligation to search the Scriptures to find out what truth is and what it is not.
There is a concept that has been presented by the world and now widely accepted by the church as good and right. Christians quote it and post it without realizing it is contrary to God’s word, his principles and mostly his very heart for relationships.
This concept is, in essence, the idea that if a person in your life disagrees with you, aggravates you, argues with your beliefs, gets on your last nerve, then you may deem them abusive and have every right to delete them from your life. After all, you shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of treatment or abuse. We conveniently call this “setting boundaries” and protecting our peace.
The abuse word is thrown around like so much confetti. While I am in no way excusing real, harmful abuse or stating anyone being abused should stay in that environment, not everything we label as abuse is actually abuse. There are times to distance yourself from a person or situation to get some healing or establish a good boundary for protection as the situation is worked on, but this is not what I am speaking of.
In the name of not having to put up with anything we are cancelling lifelong friendships and family relationships because we disagree. We are cutting people out and moving on for convenience; hitting the delete button and kissing people goodbye. But is this scriptural? Have we even searched Scripture to find out? I would say an emphatic no.
Let’s look at some scripture to see how this concept holds up:
1 Corinthians 13” Love is large, incredibly patient, consistently kind to all. It does not traffic in shame and disrespect, or selfishly seek its own honor. It’s not easily irritated, or quick to take offence, finds no delight in what is wrong, never stops believing for the best of others. It never takes failure as defeat and never gives up”. So, given these love guidelines why is it easy to dismiss a person who bugs us? #selah
Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you. Vs. 17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”
Matthew 7:12, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets”. What we don’t have the right to do is delete them.
Romans 15:1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. So, it’s not all about us.
Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves in tender compassion,kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience— 13 bearing with one another and forgiving each other, if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord pardoned you, so also you must pardon others. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfect harmony. There’s that pesky love concept again.
Quotes from a well-known minister who will remain unnamed come to mind as a strong proponent of this ideology. A few would include…”You cannot become who you’re destined to be if you keep hanging around people who are jealous of who you’re becoming.” Not scriptural. No one’s jealousy can keep me from God’s promises. I don’t need to eradicate them from my life.
“You can’t keep a clean reputation hanging out with messy people.” Umm people are messy, no avoiding that.
“No need for revenge when you are solid. Your absence is going to mess their spirit up.” What? Isn’t that still wanting revenge? I’m confused. These types of statements give us permission to delete people, it preaches good but it’s not scriptural.
I will call this what it is…unbiblical nonsense. Nowhere in scripture are we taught to act or think this way toward people. It’s a glamorized way of justifying cutting people out of our lives for our own selfish reasons.
We often desire to do this rather than look at our own hearts and see the issues lurking in there we should be addressing. #ouch
Instead of letting people think whatever they like we have a need for them to agree with us. That in reality, shows our own pride and insecurity.... Period. We can’t change another person we can only work on ourselves so that is where we should start. When we truly walk in love toward unlovely people, we display the essence of our Father and break down walls of resistance with those we disagree with. The greatest of these is always love.
Honestly, it’s easier than the biblical alternative. Being able to agree to disagree agreeably is not easy but it is achievable. God created us for relationship and community. The most important concept to understand is that in the Kingdom, God uses the rough, aggravating people to teach us to trust him. God used Saul in David’s life to crucify the Saul in him. He takes the sandpaper people and rubs them all over our rough edges to smooth us. It is God’s way. He places hard people in our life to teach us to walk in the fruit of the spirit, without them we have no need for it.
As the Body of Christ, we have an obligation to model proper conflict resolution and healthy relationships to the world. We must learn to disagree without deleting, honoring people and their issues while maintaining loving civil tones in conversations. When we learn to do this, we honor the God we serve in the most beautiful way, His way.
Father I’m praying for everyone reading this Blog today that you would show them your heart in this. Help them to open up their spirits to what your word says concerning this topic, give us all grace to be able to disagree with people and still maintain relationships. Give us your heart for people, let us see beyond our disagreements to the heart of the problem. Let us not be deceived by our enemy who wants to divide us but let us desire to be pleasing to you more than to ourselves. In Jesus name.