It's Ok To Not Be Ok
Have you ever had something happen, something that you may have even known might happen but when it does…it just seems to hit your emotions sideways? Before you know it those negative, angry or even depressive feelings just start to overwhelm you heart. Welp…you guessed it, I had that happen recently. So now we all get to learn from it! Lol
I was just going along minding my own business when a bit of frustrating news came. I know what I am supposed to do when that happens. I know what scriptures I should tell myself. I know I should fight. But honestly I just didn’t have it in me that day. I was just tired. Tired of fighting, tired of holding on, of believing bla bla bla.
So…I gave myself permission to feel, permission to be upset. I began an internal conversation with Jesus that went something like this…”I don’t understand I’m just done with all of this, when is the answer going to come, I’M TIRED!!” Ever been there? We all have.
Instead of trying to quote scripture to myself or wage a battle with the enemy in my kitchen that I wasn’t in the mood for, I just got honest with myself and with God. I talked to Jesus I talked to myself a bit, and fumed a bit. Do you know what? All of that is totally ok. I wasn’t in sin I was giving myself space and time to mourn and process a set back.
Why is it that we think we can’t be human? God doesn’t expect our perfection 100% of the time or his wrath is poured out on us. That is not his nature at all. He’s a Father. When our kids are learning something we understand and we let them keep trying. That’s how they learn. God is no different. He knows we will mess it up sometimes but he also knows we can learn from every attempt.
I know who I am in Christ, I know I love Jesus so when I decided to have a small pity party all by myself God also knew that I would get over it and get encouraged again and I would grow and go on; I would learn. So he didn’t stress out over a temper tantrum I was silently throwing.
I did not stay there bemoaning my situation that I wished could be different I just paused, got frustrated, felt some stuff, got encouraged and then moved on. We must allow ourselves margin. We aren’t robots just programmed to do all of the right Christian principles and expect the right outcome because we followed the rules. If we do that we are preforming works of the flesh. God gives us grace to DO his word; grace that allows for our humanness.
The Psalms are full of David’s rants about his troubles. He goes on and on about how depressed he is and how unfair it all is. But then he finally comes back to BUT GOD…you are faithful and good. You can totally see how he processes his feelings with God and God calls him a man after his own heart! Twice in the wilderness God got angry and wanted to kill all of the Israelites but Moses prayed and changed Gods mind. In the Gospels Jesus got frustrated with the disciples and said, “How long must I put up with you?” Anger isn’t a sin it’s what you choose to DO with it that could turn into sin.
So when your emotions get all caddywompus over stuff, know that it’s OK. Hash it all out with Jesus, he understands you better than you understand yourself. He will listen without judgment and he’s got you.